Moving down there is another room on the right.
This room is empty. A secret door in the floor hides a small lead book box. Inside is a book on hunting and killing vampires. Reading this book grants a permanent +1 to hit and damage when hunting vampires.
El Conde (2023)
So. Here is the premise of this one. Vampire Augusto Pinochet (yes. THAT Pinochet) is old and tired of living. So he has stopped feeding and has invited his five adult children to his hideout to pass on what is left of his wealth and die.
The trouble is no one trusts anyone else. His butler is having an affair with Pinochet's wife. She wants to become a vampire but Pinochet won't bite her. His children are greedy and are convinced their father is feeding again.
One of his daughters has secretly hired a Nun to perform an exorcism on Pinochet. This nun, Carmen (played by Paula Luchsinger) is also a mathematical genius and comes to the estate under the guise of finding the lost money and properties of Augusto Pinochet. Trouble is Pinochet is falling in love with Carmen. So Pinochet begins to feed again.
All the while we hear the narration of the story from an English woman who seems to have some background with Pinochet. We learn near the end she is Margaret Thatcher and she is Pinochet's mother.
Carmen tries to exorcise Pinochet but fails. Instead, she falls prey to him and is turned. Which she seems to enjoy. The Butler turns his wife and Magaret Thatcher shows up to tell us what her part is in all of this.
The butler kills Carmen. Pinochet kills the butler and his wife. They eat the hearts of the three vampires and they become young again. Pinochet's children leave the island with what ever they can salvage from the home, not knowing that the real treasure was in his collection of rare books.
Not 100% sure what to make of this one. Strange flick, but it kept me engaged.
October Horror Movie Challenge 2023
Viewed: 16
First Time Views: 9
This is really a fabulous October. We have five weekends, a full moon near Halloween, a Friday the Thirteenth (today) AND a total Solar Eclipse in some parts of the country tomorrow. In celebration of tomorrow's solar/lunar event, I thought it would be good to discuss my God of the Sun and Goddess of the Moon, as well as other Divine Twins.
The Divine Twins in the Black Forest Mythos
The motif of the Divine Twins is one that comes up again and again in most religions and myths. Usually they are the children of the main sky God, and they serve complimentary functions. Other twins are heroes who have many adventures with the gods.
Jäger and Jägerin
These gods are my syncretized versions of the Roman Apollo and Diana with the Norse Freyr and Freyja. They are the gods of the Sun and Moon respectively. Their names mean "Hunters" to help stress the importance that hunting, more than war, is to these people. They also see these gods as Nature gods, so sometimes they are depicted with stag horns. Curious note. The Norse and Germanic peoples of this time measured time in "Nights" not days. So these combined gods are both the stewards of time.
When needed, Jägerin can don the armor of war and gather Die Kriegerin, the Goddesses of war (much like the Valkyries). They are also the patrons of the arts bringing music and poetry to the people.
When the moon eclipses the sun, it is said that Jägerin has put up her shield to protect her and her brother in battle.
JÄGER (God of the Sun, Music, Hunting)ARMOR CLASS: 2
MOVE: 18" / 36"
HIT POINTS: 300
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 2d8/2d8/2d8 + Fire
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Sunbolt
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Firey Aura
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 75%
SIZE: M (6' 2")
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good
WORSHIPER'S ALIGN: All (mostly Good)
SYMBOL: Sun Disc or Bow
PLANE: Himmel
CLERIC/DRUID: 10th Level Druid
FIGHTER: 20th Level Fighter
MAGIC-USER/ILLUSIONIST: Nil
THIEF/ASSASSIN: Nil
MONK/BARD: Nil
WITCH/WARLOCK: Nil
PSIONIC ABILITY: II
S: 20 I:18 W: 18 D: 20 C: 20 CH:20
Jäger is the god of the Sun but is not the sun. He rides his chariot across the sky, searching for the best game to hunt. His tales of his hunting prowess are matched only by tales of his amorous exploits. He is married to Liebhaberin, but both gods are free to choose other lovers as they see fit. He is the model of youth in his prime.
As the god of the sun he can cast any light, fire, or sun-based spell as a 10th-level spell caster and spells he can cast as a 10th-level Druid. His main weapon is his bow. He can fire three arrows per round each hitting a different target. If he chooses, each (or any) arrow can burst into flame for an additional 1d8 points of damage. Additionally he can fire a Sunbolt for 1d10 points of damage. He can also wreathe himself in the Aura of the Sun. This causes Blindness to any that look at him and 1d8 hp of damage to any with 5' of him every round.
He is often accompanied by a group of deathless hunters. These are men who died while hunting or who wished not to move on to their afterlife after death. They hunt in ghostly processions across the land. Anytime a person sees a falling star, they know a new hunter has joined Jäger's ghostly party. Each acts as 10th level fighter and are similar to spectres.
Additionally, he is the god, or rather patron of, music. When not hunting, he can be found singing or playing an instrument.
Animal: The hunting dog or stag
Rainment: (Head) a solar disc or a crown of antlers (Body) Simple hunting garments
Color(s): Yellow, Gold
Holy Days: Every day at sunrise and noon
Sacrifices: Animal sacrifice at sunset. Animals are then eaten by congregants.
Place of Worship: Any open space.
ARMOR CLASS: 2
MOVE: 18" / 36"
HIT POINTS: 300
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 2d8/2d8/2d8 + Chill
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Moonbow
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Aura of Madness
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 75%
SIZE: M (6' 1")
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good
WORSHIPER'S ALIGN: All (mostly Good)
SYMBOL: Moon disc or Bow
PLANE: Himmel
CLERIC/DRUID: Nil
FIGHTER: 20th Level Fighter
MAGIC-USER/ILLUSIONIST: Nil
THIEF/ASSASSIN: Nil
MONK/BARD: Nil
WITCH/WARLOCK: 10th Level Witch
PSIONIC ABILITY: II
S: 20 I:18 W: 18 D: 20 C: 20 CH:20
Jägerin is the Goddess of Moon, hunting, poetry, and war. she drives her chariot across the sky as does her brother. On the days of the Solar eclipse she is holding up her shield to protect him. On days of the Lunar eclipse he is providing her protection.
Like her twin brother, Jägerin can attack with a bow. Her arrows do 2d8 and can also add an extra 1d8 hp of chill damage. She can surround herself with an Aura of Madness, any who come within 10' of her will attack anyone else but her. She can cast any spell relating to night or the moon as a caster of the 10th level and as a 10th-level Witch.
Jägerin also has a retinue of hunters with her. These wild women will run through the forest with her in a blood lust for the hunt. They are not dead, but they are no longer alive either. Each acts as a 7th-level fighter and can transform into an animal. Wolves are most common. When needed though, she can call on her Hunt and don the armor of war. These wild women are then known as Die Kriegerin, or the Goddesses of War.
Like her brother, Jägerin is also the patroness of the arts, in this case poetry. She is equally as lascivious as her brother. One tale is told how she boasted she could hunt and kill as many animals as a group of men hunting in the wood. The all agreed to set out in the morning to hunt and return by night fall. Jägerin spent the night having sex with all the hunters and making them too tired to hunt the next day. She was able to go to the wood and hunt at her leisure, easily beating all of them.
Animal: The hunting dog or stag
Rainment: (Head) a moon disc or a crown of antlers (Body) Simple hunting garments
Color(s): Yellow, Gold
Holy Days: Every moonrise
Sacrifices: Animal sacrifice after sunset. Animals are then eaten by congregants.
Place of Worship: Any open space.
These are the Goddesses of Victory and Luck, respectively.
SIEGE and GLÜCKE (Goddess of Victory and Luck)ARMOR CLASS: 4
MOVE: 18" / 36"
HIT POINTS: 150
NO. OF ATTACKS: 2
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1d8/1d8
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Change Outcome
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Change Outcome
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 25%
SIZE: M (6' 0" and 5'19)
ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral (Siege) and Chaotic Neutral (Glücke)
WORSHIPER'S ALIGN: All
SYMBOL: Spear
PLANE: Himmel
CLERIC/DRUID: Nil
FIGHTER: 10th Level Fighter (Siege)
MAGIC-USER/ILLUSIONIST: Nil
THIEF/ASSASSIN: 10th Level Thief (Glücke)
MONK/BARD: Nil
WITCH/WARLOCK: Nil
PSIONIC ABILITY: II
S: 16 I:18 W: 18 D: 20 C: 18 CH:18
These goddess are not worshipped in the strictest sense, but are called on often enough to grant favors to mortals. Siege is the Goddess of Victory; she represents success through skill and determination. Glücke is the Goddess of Luck; she represents success through luck and happenstance.
Both Goddess can offer a boon to a mortal in the form of gift of Success. Mortal with this gift can re-roll any missed attack, ability check or saving throw and take the better of the two rolls. Most mortal only get this gift once in their lives. Others, such as the hero twins Magni and Muthi, get this boon often.
Magni and Muth are the Demigod hero twins of this myth. They are two fun and adventure-loving brothers whose tales are often used to teach moral lessons but also entertain. They typically begin with the brothers getting kicked out of their home because their mother (usually described as a hideously ugly witch but also described as the best cook in the world) is tired of them breaking things. The brothers devise a scheme to either get rich, get drunk, or find some maiden to bed. They often run afoul of some person in power, a barkeep, angry husband, father, and/or brothers. The more they try to solve their problems, the more (comical) trouble they get into. Magni is the Strongest Man alive, and there is nothing he can't lift or break. Muthi is the Bravest Warrior known, and he fears nothing, no man, demon, or god. Their tales will sometimes emphasize how much Magni is afraid of something or how something is too heavy for Muthi.
In the end, the brothers usually come out ahead. They get the money, the ale, and the girls and will be seen headed home, where their mother has made them a fantastic meal. They are mischievous but rarely evil. They only kill monsters and prefer to make fools out of human or divine opponents.
It is said they are deeply in love with Siege and Glücke, but can't make up their minds about who is in love with whom.
The only time the brothers fight each other is when they have their eyes on the same woman. And in these tales, the moral is always the same. While fighting each other, they lose the girl to someone else, and they return home to a scolding by their mother.
MAGNI and MUTHI
Demigods
ARMOR CLASS: 4
MOVE: 12"
HIT POINTS: 110 (Magni), 120 (Muthi)
NO. OF ATTACKS: 3
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1d10/1d10/1d10
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Nil
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Nil
SIZE: M (6' 1" Magni) (5' 11" Muthi)
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good
WORSHIPER'S ALIGN: NA
SYMBOL: NA
PLANE: Erde (Earth)
CLERIC/DRUID: Nil
FIGHTER: 18th Level Fighter (Barbarian)
MAGIC-USER/ILLUSIONIST: Nil
THIEF/ASSASSIN: 10th Level Thief
MONK/BARD: Nil
WITCH/WARLOCK: Nil
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
S: 25 (Magni) 18 (Muthi) I:10 W: 8 D: 18 C: 20 (Magni) 25 (Muthi) CH: 19
Magni and Muthi are twin brothers. They are not worshipped in the traditional sense but are demi-god heroes of these myths, and their stories are told to children (about how they fight monsters) to adults (how they stop evil people and their sexual exploits).
Magni can add +7 to his to hit and damage rolls due to his strength. Muthi is unaffected by any sort of fear, mundane or magical. This also extends to giving him +3 against any save vs. magic.
Characters encountering Magni and Muthi will often find them "mid-scheme." That is whatever it was they were trying to do has already failed spectacularly, and now they are either running from the authorities or an angry husband/father/brother.
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Links
The tomb on the left is also locked but has the regular chance of opening. Inside, this tomb is set up to look like a living bedroom with the dwarven sarcophagi (five in total) designed to look like beds. There are 10 small chests of gems and gold, worth at least 500gp each (Type E x5), and three gold rings. The party can take any of the chests of gold, but if the rings are touched it will summon the ghosts of the dead.
These are the spectres of a dwarven family. Three of these spectres has 6 HD, one has 8 HD and the last has 10 HD.
The specters are only interested in the rings. If the party leaves the tomb and leaves the rings behind the spectres will not follow.
I have been playing a lot of Baldur's Gate 3 with my oldest recently and it has been an absolute blast. We are having the best time. He asked me one night what was the last video game I had enjoyed as much as this. A few came to mind, but I had to say the first BloodRayne PC Game I played in the early 2000s. He asked if I still had it and I told him not my originals (no idea what happened to them) but I did have the "updated" versions that came with the the two Uwe Boll movies. That got us talking about the movies and Uwe Boll...and here we are. I checked at found it odd that I had not watched them for my October Horror Movie Marathon before. Well. I had, but never here, save for the third movie.
So. Let me correct that. I am pulling the wild card and taking "Video Game Movie" today.
This one stars Kristanna Loken as the titular dhampir Rayne. Ok. Let's get to this right now. This is an Uwe Boll movie. Don't expect much. BUT along the way I discovered the secret of Uwe Boll. They guy is not Spielberg, or Scorsese, or even Corman. He is though a guy that likes to have a movie with a lot of over-the-top violence to level of cartoon and maybe tell a fun story. Once you get that, settle in with some corn and enjoy.
Ok Kristanna Loken has the right look to be honest so I can buy into her as Rayne. The story is similar enough to the video game with some interesting details. First Rayne is not yet the bad ass she is in the game. Secondly instead of this taking place in modern-day America and Europe, it is in Easter Europe of the 18th Century. Ok. Honestly, I am cool with that. Ben Kingsley plays the master Vampire Kagan in only what can be described as "I got bills to pay too." Michael Madsen is here playing Michael Madsen. Michelle Rodriguez is also here because I think her and Loken were a thing at the time. But none of that matters because we also get some great cameos. Bill Zane is here at his Billy Zaniest. I am guessing his request was "can I play an arrogant count?" Udo Kier is here, because...well why not, I mean if you need a creepy priest member of a secret cabal dedicated to stopping vampires and Mads Mikkelsen is busy. And Meat Loaf (credited as "Meat Loaf Aday") here as a vampire count. I am guessing his request was "I want to be a pompous vampire lord. Oh. and I want 6 or 7 naked women in bed with me."
Surprisingly, even given the game, there is not a lot of gratuitous nudity (save for the above-mentioned scene) here. Lots and lots of gratuitous violence and lots of fake blood everywhere. Hell. The last 10 minutes is just a slow-mo super cut of grisly deaths from the movie.
The story is simple. Rayne is a dhampir. Her vampire father Kagan wants to rule the world. He wants the relics of Beliar (here a super vampire, in the game a demon) to become unstoppable. The Brimstone society is hunting them both.
Don't go looking for a bigger plot than that.
Up next is BloodRayne II. Also from Boll. But this time our heroine is played by former model-turned-actress Natassia Malthe. Now set in the 19th century and headed out to the American West. Rayne must stop the most dangerous vampire on the American frontier. Billy the Kid. Played by Zack Ward. Because let's be honest here. When the casting director gets request for Vampire Billy the Kid the list likely begins or ends with Zack Ward. Since Michael Madsen's character died in the last one we go to the next name on the list and bring in Michael Paré. I'll be honest here. They sold me on it. Yeah.
Would I have bought this DVD if it didn't have the PC game included? Probably not, but I am glad I did because like the 1st and 3rd movies it was just a lot of over the top blood and gore and silly fun.
But also like the other two in the "BloodRayne Trilogy" (that's right. That's what I am calling it!) there is a kernel of a good idea here.
Vampires wanting to take over Eastern Europe with the power of a near-mythical relic? Great!
Vampires wanting to take over the American frontier with an army of vampires? Yeeh hah!
Vampires wanting make a race of immortal vampire Nazis? Sure!
I mean the execution leaves some to be desired, but that is fine really.
Natassia Malthe is not as good as Kristanna Loken (now there is a sentence you don't get to type a lot) but no one here is winning awards for acting and honestly, Rayne is a video game character.
Like I have said before. This is a slider, don't pretend it is steak.
As far as I can tell. The "Unrated" bits are largely due to blood and violence.
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Since my kid and I talked about these I figure I might as well have some fun. So here is my Rayne for Baldur's Gate 3.
Right now a dual-wielding Ranger. Yes. Those are katanas. If you are going to cheese, go extra cheesy. I even know a place in the game where I can get her eye replaced with a magical one, just like the first video game (and first movie). I'll do some more with her, give her some levels in Rogue (Assassin) and maybe some undead fighting buffs. Perfect for when I take on the vampires in Act 3!
There are solid connections here. Laura Bailey was the voice for Rayne in the video game and now is better known for her Critical Role participation (Vex, Jester). And Michelle Rodriguez was in the first movie and the D&D movie, playing more or less the same character.
October Horror Movie Challenge 2023
Viewed: 15
First Time Views: 8
The first door on the right is locked. An open locks roll at a 15% penalty is needed to open it.
Opening the door will trigger a gate spell which will summon a huge Hellhound to protect this crypt. This Hellhound has 8 HD and maximum hp.
It has no treasure of its own, but it protects Type C, G, and Q x5.
One of my all-time favorite Disney attractions has to be The Haunted Mansion. I have been to it many times at both Disney World and Disneyland. Even to the point of riding on it by myself when others would not. So when tonight's subject "For the Kiddos" came up I knew I had to watch the new one.
The plot of both movies is roughly the same. Haunted house. 999 ghosts. Edward Gracey, Madame Leota. The plot or even the story is not as important to me as seeing how much of the attraction I can recognize in the moves.
Haunted Mansion (2023)
This is the newest one and has a great cast. Rosario Dawson, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Dan Levy, Jamie Lee Curtis, hell, even Jared Leto. LaKeith Stanfield plays an astrophysicist whose new lens can also take pictures of ghosts. He is laughed out of his job and then his wife is killed in an accident. So he has ghost issues already. Rosario Dawson plays Gabbie who moves into the Gracey Manor to set up a bed and breakfast. She and her son play out the old Eddie Murphy joke about horror movies. As expected, the movie can't end there because if you know from the ride, the ghosts will follow you home.
So again, the plot doesn't matter here. Everyone puts on a great show. Owen Wilson and Danny DeVito are playing versions of the characters they always play, but who cares, they are great at it. Jamie Lee Curtis is in as Madame Leota. Even Jared Leto works here as the big bad evil ghost. Though hidden under so much CGI it's hard to tell what he is.
My wife and I kept pointing out scenes we recognized. It was fun.
Can you watch it if you have never been on the ride? Sure, it is still a fun popcorn movie.
Is it scary? Not really. But you could strip out the comedy and have a scary movie here.
The Haunted Mansion (2003)
So 2003 was a watershed year for Disney. Pirates of the Caribbean was killing it at the box office and their next Attraction to the Big Screen was next, the fan-favorite Haunted Mansion.
Well...let's just say it didn't do as well. Oh. It made back it's money, but it was weak and critics hated it.
The movie is not great, BUT it is far better than I remembered. Again, you don't watch this one for the plot, you watch it to see how much of the attraction you can spot.
In some ways it does better than the 2023 movie and in some, it is worse. But neither are bad movies.
I think time has been kinder to this movie.
Watching these two I get the same feeling I did when watching Bob Hope's "The Ghost Breakers" followed by the Martin & Lewis "Scared Stiff." Maybe I should do those for tomorrow night. I will admit I was disappointed there was no cameo by Eddie Murphy as a ghost in the end.
October Horror Movie Challenge 2023
Viewed: 13
First Time Views: 6
