Countdown to Superman: Superman Returns (2006)

 Twenty or so years later Legendary Pictures revives the Superman series. Complete with opening credits just like the Salkind movies and John Williams' score.  Bryan Singer is one of our producers.

Brando is back, posthumously, using some of the same lines/voice tracks we would also see/hear in the Donner Cut of Superman II (out the same year).

Also, back are Noel Neill and Jack Larson (Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, respectively, from the TV series of Superman), and weirdly enough, Martha Kent is back too, who was supposed to have been dead in Superman IV.

Oh, the plot. Ok, so Superman has been gone for five years, seeking out the remains of Krypton, looking for any survivors. Lex Luthor married a tycoon (played by the above mentioned Noel Neill), and Lois has a Pulitzer Prize for writing about how we don't need Superman anymore. Oh, and a five year old son. 

Lex is played, rather well, really, by Kevin Spacey. Spacey is *problematic* but damn, he is great here. While he is certainly channeling Gene Hackman, he is 

Brandon Routh is not just a good Superman, he is a good Clark Kent in the style of Christopher Reeve. He is wearing blue contact lens as Superman, which is a nice touch.

Both actors embody their predecessors fairly perfectly. It goes beyond saying the only actor who can pull off Brando as Jor-El is dead, CGI Brando.

The movie is good, better than I remembered to be honest, it just doesn't bring anything new to the table. It has "rebound relationship" energy about it, which was never fair to Brandon Routh. He really redeems himself in the Arrowverse. The movie has the problem of being slow and a little boring in places. 

Sadly, I never bought Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. I mean, she is a good actress, just not as Lois. Parker Posey, though, is great as always. I know she can be an acquired taste, but she is great.

The special effects are good, what you would expect from the 2000s, but this look really good. The first Superman movie had the tag line "You Will Believe a Man Can Fly," and this one does exactly that, but it takes a lot more than special effects to tell a story, and this might be a good case in point. 

BTW. HOW is that Lois, who historically has a penchant for getting into trouble, lived for 5 years without Superman? I guess Lex was still in prison. 

I do like the idea of the Fortress of Kryptonite, very Lex. 

The movie's ending scene is very much the same as one of the Christopher Reeve's one. 

Cameos

I mentioned Noel Neill and Jack Larson already. Brandon Routh would later go on to play Ray Plamer "The Atom" in the Arrowverse to what I felt was his redemption arc. He also plays an older Superman in the Arrowverse. This Superman is a combination of this Superman and the Kingdom Come Superman. 

The "Gotham Knights" baseball team is a nice touch in the post Batman-movies world. And Perry White's "Great Ceaser's Ghost!" was fun as well. 

Jason, Lois and Superman's son, suffers from asthma, which I think is a nod to Christopher Reeve himself who suffered from it as a child. 

There are also plenty of scenes in this movie that feel cribbed right out of Grant Morrison's and Frank Quitely's "All Star Superman." No surprise, it was a big hit back then. 

The biggest cameo is, of course, the Salkin Superman movies look and feel. This is part love letter, part homage. 

This movie, such as it is, marks the end of the first "Cinematic Universe"that began in 1978.

Monstrous Mondays: Gnomi, The Occult Gnome

 It is Monday again. My coffee is hot, and my brain is bursting with ideas from the weekend. 

I have often discussed the occult spirits of the alchemist, lay theologian, and philosopher Paracelsus. To recap, they are undines (water), sylphs (air), gnomes (earth), and salamanders (fire). These creatures are familiar to anyone who has ever played D&D, but they are not exactly the same in D&D as they are in Paracelsus' work ("A Book on Nymphs, Sylphs, Pygmies, and Salamanders, and on the Other Spirits").

Now we can say that Salamanders, as shown in the AD&D Monster Manual, are pretty much as Paracelsus would have them, if a little more dangerous. Slyphs are not far off, and Undines, well I covered them a while back. That leaves the odd one out, Gnomes.

Gnomes in all D&D are a species related to dwarves and are about the size of halflings. Over the years, they have become more fae-like, but their essential character stays the same.  I touched on this idea a little bit WAY back in the beginning of this blog. In trying to align gnomes more closely to witchcraft and alchemy, partially due to the writings of Paracelsus.

In truth, his gnome is closer to the AD&D Pech. But I think there is room in the world for one more gnome-like creature. 

Gnomi (Earth Elemental Gnome)
Smallest of the Earth Elementals; Friends of Beasts and Burrow

FREQUENCY: Uncommon
NO. APPEARING: 2–12 (3d6)
ARMOR CLASS: 4
MOVE: 6”
HIT DICE: 1+2
% IN LAIR: 70%
TREASURE TYPE: Q (x5), U
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1–4 (by tiny weapon or touch)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Meld into earth, burrow, beast command
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Infravision (90’), camouflage, immune to petrification
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 20%
INTELLIGENCE: Average to High
ALIGNMENT: Neutral (Good tendencies)
SIZE: S (18–20” tall)
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes: Nil

DESCRIPTION: The Gnomi are the smallest and most elusive of all gnome-kin, standing no more than two handspans high. Their origins lie not in the mortal races, but in the ancient Paracelsian philosophies, where they were named as the Earth’s true elementals, sentient spirits of stone, root, and burrow.

They appear as squat, bearded figures with oversized hands, ruddy skin, and craggy features like worn granite. Always garbed in earthen-toned clothes and tall red or blue caps, they blend easily into the woodland underbrush or hillside burrows they call home.

COMBAT: Though not martial by nature, gnomi will defend their homes and animal companions with cunning and fierce determination.

Meld into Earth (3/day): As passwall or meld into stone. The gnomi may phase into soil or stone to escape danger or spy unseen.

Burrow (1” rate): Can tunnel through soft earth or loam without tools or collapsing walls. It is rumored that there elder gnomi who can burrow through solid stone including granite. 

Beast Command (2/day): May cast animal friendship or speak with animals to summon aid. Burrowing mammals (badgers, moles, voles) will often arrive to assist. Some gnomi even have large animals, like foxes, they can use as steeds. 

Camouflage: When motionless, Gnomi surprise on 1–4 out of 6 in natural settings.

HABITAT/SOCIETY: Gnomi dwell in hidden burrows deep in wooded hills or beneath ancient roots. Their homes are small but immaculate, filled with luminous fungi, crystals, and sleeping animals. They craft with gem dust and petrified wood, often trading tiny enchantments for fresh cream or silver buttons.

They maintain deep ties to elemental earth, druids, and witches. Some witches speak of earning a Gnomi’s trust through rituals of bread and salt, and that such a bond grants the witch access to rare earth spells or burrow magic.

ECOLOGY

Gnomi serve as caretakers of soil and seed, watching for disturbances in the root-tunnels of foxes and worms alike. They abhor undead, pollution, and unnatural mining. If slain, a Gnomi crumbles into fertile loam, often sprouting flowers the next day. 

They despise kobolds, of whom they have an ancient feud with. But they tolerate knockers, who they think are way too serious. They also hate trolls, but this has nothing to do with territory. Gnomi find trolls to be large, lumbering oafs and they can't resist pulling pranks on them. A favorite game of young gnomi is "Troll tripping."

Good-natured folk, they appear to be kin to common gnomes and speak the same languages they do. Gnomes think of them as their "country cousins." Maybe not sophisticated, but wise in the ways of earth, root, and stone. 

They are highly sought as familiars by Earth-witches and alchemists, but rarely agree to such bonds unless honored with reverence and true need.

Optional: Gnomic Magic

A witch or magic-user who befriends a Gnomi may add the following rare spells to their repertoire, with the GM’s discretion:

• Detect Metals (as detect magic, but only for veins or ores)
• Stone Whispers (commune with stone to learn the history of a site)
• Salt Circle (minor warding vs. unclean spirits, undead)
• Petrify Insect (preserve a specimen instantly)
• Lead to Gold (illusory glamor on lead, fool’s gold unless renewed daily)

Gnomi do not keep spellbooks because the "rocks and stones teach them magic."

--

Not quite sure if I captured the complete Occult feel of the Gnomi here. I got into a groove and this is what I came up with.  But I like this and will keep it. 

Countdown to Superman: Superman IV The Quest for Peace (1987)

 A lot has happened in the last four years. The Salkinds sold the rights to the Superman movies to Cannon Movie Group, and they convinced Christopher Reeve to return by promising him creative control and funding for another movie. It worked. Reeve got his anti-nuclear weapons message in and both movies were made.

We also get to see Superman's ability to speak many languages in this one. 

Again, I think this one is better than I remembered. Reeve shows off some much better acting chops. Maybe it is me, but even at the beginning of the movie, it feels like the end. 

Don't get me wrong, it is bad. But not as bad as I remembered. 

Mariel Hemingway costars as tabloid heiress and an attempt to "sex-up" the series. She plays Lacy Warfield, who is taking over the Daily Planet. The whole double date of Clark/Lacy and  Superman/Lois is a little too "Three's Company" for me. Take a drink every time she says "Daddy" and you'll be dead by the end of the movie. 

Jon Cryer, who up to this point had primarily been in teen comedies, appears here as Lex's nephew Lenny. Is he Lena's son? His parents are never mentioned, but that might be fun given the future Supergirl/Arrowverse connections. 

Nuclear Man gets a lot of grief, but honestly, the idea is no stranger than some ideas about Bizzaro. I mean that is basically how Bizzaro was created in the Superman animated series and how some versions of Superboy were created. Indeed, an early version of Nuclear Man was more Bizzaro-like. Unlike some of the made-for-the-movie characters, Nuclear Man does make an appearance in the comics. 

The two spend a lot of the last half of the movie fighting, as expected, really.  

Mark Pillow, the actor (but not voice) of Nuclear Man, has made a name for himself in the fine wine industry. 

The headline of "Superman Dead?" in this is a spoiler for the comics' Death of Superman a few years later. 

Supeman finally defeats Nuclear Man by moving the moon to block the sun and then dumping him into a nuclear reactor. Perry White defeats Warfield and gets the Daily Planet back.  

The final speech is very optimistic. Makes me miss 1987. 

Funny note, Superman tells Luthor, "See you in 20" at the end. The sequel, Superman Returns, was released in 2006. So, a year off for good behavior?

Cameos

Jon Cryer would later return in the Arrowverse as one of the best Lex Luthors I have seen. And I have seen them all.

This would be Christopher Reeve's last turn as Superman. In 1995 he had a riding accident leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. He would later appear as Dr. Virgil Swann, a Stephen Hawking-like character on the Smallville TV series.  

Countdown to Superman: Superman III (1983)

 Ok. We all know this one is not great. But it has somethings going for it.

First, Richard Pryor is a comic genius, and he is still pretty funny here. He is also a huge Superman fan, which is what got him this role.

Secondly, we really get to see some acting chops from Christopher Reeve here. The scenes of him being evil and fighting his "evil self" are always talked about (rightly so), but rarely mentioned, and even better, in my mind, is his acting as Clark in Smallville. Maybe he has a better grip on his character here, though I would argue Reeve was born to play Clark/Superman from the start. 

Richard Pryor is playing Gus Gorman a computer genius. A computer genius who programs in BASIC, but hey it was 1983. I guess Gorman was supposed to have been the human version of Brainiac but the producers nixed the idea because audiences would know who he was. Like we knew who Gus Gorman is/was.  I mean, don't me wrong. I love Richard Pryor and Gus is not a bad character. Although I can see why we may never see him in any Superman media again. And honestly, sometimes he is a bit too much "Richard Pryor" in this. 

Interesting aside, Pamela Stephenson who plays Lorelei Ambrosia, the "smart blonde, pretending to be dumb" has a Ph.D. in psychology. She is also married to comedian Billy Connolly. Another, people freaking out over gasoline at $2 a gallon. 

The story itself is not terrible; the execution is. In fact, the "Superman" scenes are much better than I remembered. 

Is it me, or are "evil Superman's" darker outfit colors exactly the same as Cavil's in "Man of Steel?"

And of course, everyone remembers the final scene where Gus's supercomputer comes to life and assimilates Vera Webster. Yeah, not as scary as everyone thought it was really. Gus gets off kind of easy here in the end. 

This one did not have much of Lois Lane/Margot Kidder in it.

Cameos

Ok this one is a bit of a stretch but the wind-up peguins from the opening credits get a mention in the Zack Snyder Justice League movie. 

A far better one is Annette O'Toole here as Lana Lang and later in Smallville as Martha Kent, adoptive mother of Clark Kent. Apparently, the casting directors were unaware that she had already been part of Superman history before. 

Countdown to Superman: Supergirl (1984)

A sidestep tonight, mostly because I need to work up the courage to deal with the last two Superman movies. Though, admittedly, this one is not much better.  

Ok, so Helen Slater is playing Kara Zor-El, Kal-El's cousin, aka Supergirl. She is more or less the unknown here. Speaking of which, where is Superman? Oh, he is on a "peacekeeping mission" to a galaxy several hundred trillion light years away." Ok. Why...oh never mind, it is better than the proposed idea for this movie with a sex scene between Superman and Supergirl. I think I read that in Starlog.

Anyway. Supergirl ends up in Chicago, of all place,s where the Omegahedron, the powersource from Argo City (that she lost) ends up in the hands of two would-be witches played by Faye Dunaway and Brenda Vaccaro, and their sidekick played by Peter Cook. Even Supergirl's mother was played by Mia Farrow. Her mentor is even played by Peter O'Toole.  Helen Slater might have been the biggest unknown here.

Ok. I kind of forgot how bad this movie was. I mean I knew, but damn. Also, did A&W sponsor this? Lots of product placement in this one. It's remarkable how many great actors are in this, yet it's still so bad. 

According to the map Kara is using to look for the Omegahedron, Midvale is just a bit north of Peroria, IL (home of tomorrow night's guest Richard Pryor), and south of Ottawa, IL (near where "Man of Steel" was filmed for the Smallville scenes.  So, an area I'm familiar with. Funny, I don't remember a Midvale there. 

Ok, so I did like the magic aspect of it. Magic and Superman are sometimes an ify mix, but given everything else, it works here. There is even a great example of the "Mirror Image" spell. 

There's little point in going through the plot here, as the story is thin at best. 

The Shadow Demon is kind of cool looking.

Don't get me wrong, Helen Slater was awfully fun as Supergirl. Melissa Benoist is still my favorite Supergirl, but Slater was still fun.

Cameos

Helen Slater will go on to play Kara's Earth mother, Dr. Eliza Danvers, in the Supergirl CW series. Marc McClure plays Jimmy Olsen, but that shouldn't really count. The Supergirl series is a great one for repeat cameos. 

Countdown to Superman: Superman II The Richard Donner Cut (1978, 1980, 2006)

 I mentioned this one last night when I discussed Superman II and its credited director, Richard Lester. This movie is the original vision of the original director, Richard Donner. Watching this along with the Richard Lester cut is a great experience.  

I will not recount the entire movie here, but I would like to focus on some of the key differences. There are still scenes directed by Lester here, Donner did not complete the entire movie, so this is still not 100% Donner's film, but it is close.

 - Maybe one of the big ones is the fact that Brando is back as Jor-El. It seems that some of the "lost" footage for this cut had been part of his estate and was returned to Warner Bros. after his death in 2004. He appears in the Fortress of Solitude to tell us about Zod, Ursa, and Non.

 - The movie doesn't recap the entire first Superman movie, but it does replay some key scenes. 

 - This cut makes it more explicit that the Phantom Zone prison was pulled along with Kal-El's pod. Also it is not some random French H-Bomb that frees Zod, Ursa, and Non, but the missile from the first movie that Superman sends into space. The whole French terrorism scene is gone. 

- Side note. The special effects of the "new" scenes seemed improved. Another side note, there are subtle dialog changes. Generally, I think they are better here. The changes in the "Lester Cut" seem like they were designed to be "funnier," but often without any point. 

- Lois seems smarter here, and the movie is a little less campy. The big reveal of Clark as Superman plays out differently here. Lois is smarter, but the scene is somehow less satisfying. 

 - The first attack of the Kryptonians is cut a bit, almost to the point where it doesn't make as much sense. Or rather, it is not as clear as the Lester cut. They are deadlier here, too, with a higher body count.  

 - The "depowering" scene plays out differently as well. Brando is back for this scene, which makes more sense as well, but a key scene is missing: the one where Lois misplaced the Master Crystal. Turns out it is not needed, since the Master Crystal survived. It also sets up the Brandon Routh "Superman Returns" (also 2006) a lot better. (Except as noted below.)

The battle in Metropolis is the same, mostly. The fight in the Fortress of Solitude is different, briefer, and it makes a lot more sense. All the issues I had with it in the Lester cut are gone. Well, almost, they all still just disappear into Superman's basement.  Ok, in this one, Superman blows up the Fortress. That likely kills them all. 

No "Super kiss" but Superman "rewinds" time again. I guess I shouldn't be irritated by this, I mean this is something the Flash does all the time.  Though I do like Lois and Clark together. It doesn't explain why the guy in the diner ("Rocky") remembered who he was.

Watching this, twice now, I do wish we had had more of Zod and Ursa. They are great villains, really. Non is not that interesting. 

When that European couple starts buying you drinks.

I can't say that the Lester cut is worse; there are places where Lester had the benefit of the Donner scenes to make improvements. Superman "calling out" Zod when he is at the Daily Planet, for example, is better in the Lester cut.  I did miss Lara, Superman's Mom, getting some spotlight. 

Cameos

Again, nothing different here than the Lester cut, at least nothing jumped out at me. Donner is plainly visible smoking a pipe outside the diner again. 

Occult D&D Begins: Witchcraft, Folklore, and Forbidden Magic in Your Game

What if the real treasure at the heart of the dungeon wasn’t gold but knowledge no one was meant to possess?

Welcome to Occult D&D! This is a new series dedicated to the strange, the symbolic, and the spiritual side of Dungeons & Dragons. Over the coming weeks/months, we’re going to crack open the dusty grimoires, draw some chalk circles on the floor, and invite a little witchcraft, ritual, and folklore into our tabletop worlds. Well...more than I typically do every day, that is. 

Why? Because there’s a whole dimension of play that D&D brushes up against, but rarely fully explores. One that I also find rather fun.

The Occult Thread in D&D

The earliest versions of Dungeons & Dragons were steeped in fantasy literature, pulp horror, and old-school myth. You had demons and devils in the Monster Manual, magic-users who studied arcane formulae, and clerics calling down divine wrath, but precious little that felt like real occultism.

Not real as in "real-world belief," but real as in resonant; rooted in symbolism, ritual, superstition, and the tension between hidden knowledge and spiritual power. The stuff of witches’ charms, cursed bloodlines, forbidden books, and crossroads bargains.

That’s the sweet spot this series wants to hit.

What You Can Expect from This Series

Each Occult D&D post will focus on one of two things:

1. Bringing Occult Themes to the Table

We’ll explore ways to deepen your game’s tone with elements like:

• Symbolic magic and ritual casting
• Occult monster design
• Haunted locations, cursed items, and secret traditions
• Folkloric mechanics: second sight, lunar phases, witch trials

2. Spotlighting Witchcraft in Your Game

I’ve written a lot about witches over the years, how they work, how they cast, and how they’re more than just “distaff wizards.” I want to integrate them deeper into the game. Taking cues from my "Witches of Appendix N" series on how witches should have been a distinct part of the games we play.  I'll also likely pull in some of the Satanic Panic era notions where D&D was seen as a "gateway to the occult!"

If you've ever wanted your campaign to feel like a midnight séance instead of a tavern brawl, or your dungeon crawl to veer just a little closer to The Witch than The Hobbit, this series is for you.

I am also likely to review various occult-themed RPGs and related products. I'll talk about some of my own books too, but not as a review (that's tacky). 

Let’s Begin...

Next post, we’ll start with a foundational question: What does “occult” even mean in the context of D&D? Is it just another word for “magic,” or something more primal, more forbidden, and more personal?

Let’s peel back the veil and find out. 

Have you used occult themes in your own games? Run a séance in your campaign? Performed a tarot card reading? Designed a cursed grimoire? Used real folklore in your monster design? Tell me about it below, I’d love to hear how the occult has haunted your table.

Drop a comment below, I’d love to hear what haunted your players, and what kind of magic you’ve brought to the table.