I was working on an adventure for War of the Witch Queens this past week and I was thinking that my Witch Queen in this adventure had a lot in common with Queen Taramis from A Witch Shall be Born and the Conan the Destroyer movie. I did my digging and discovered that yes, the look/vibe I wanting in my next Witch Queen (loosely based on Methyn Sarr from Barbarians of Lemuria) was based on Queen Taramis AND surprisingly enough "Lyranna" from Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time.
Both were played by the exquisite Sarah Douglas.
So I figured I would have to do Sarah Douglas film fest since she plays a witch in both movies.
Nearly a decade after the last Beastmaster movie we rejoin Dar in his battle against evil. This time against his own older half-brother Arklon. The camp is WAY high in this one. Sarah Douglas plays Lyranna which sounds a lot like my "Larina" (but mine was 5 years before this). Lyranna has a lot of language and speech that makes her sound like she is from L.A. from the late 80s. There is a reason for that since she has been studying the land of "LA" where she has learned about a Neutron Detonator that she will give to Arklon, in exchange for ruling with him.
While she has the portal open Kari Wuhrer comes racing through in her red Porshe. The poster showing the scene has a solid "Back to the Future" vibe to it.
Ok. I am going to say this. Kari Wuher gets on my nerves. She is not so bad here, and she is actually supposed to be annoying here.
Let's be honest. This is not a good movie. I give Marc Singer a lot of credit here. The movie all around him is campy as all hell and he is playing Dar straight. His earnestness from the previous movie holds over here.
Wings Hauser chews up scenes as Arklon. I can't if he is good at camp or bad. In any case, it works for him and this role. Sarah Douglas is great, but I was inclined to like her anyway. Even Kari Wuher was a lot of fun in it.
The movie is not good, but it is fun.
This is the second, and less well-liked Conan movie. I personally thought it was a lot of fun. I had been a fan of Grace Jones since her Nightclubbing album so I was looking forward to seeing her in this.
This movie was also the second time I became aware of Sarah Douglas. I thought she was fantastic as Ursa in Superman and Superman II, and she was exceptionally great here. Well. At least I thought so then. I STILL think she was great, to be honest.
Queen Taramis (only a princess in the Howard story) gives Conan a quest to escort the Queen's Niece, Princess Jehnna, played the ever-lovely Olivia d'Abo in her first movie, to restore the horn of the dreaming god Dagoth (played by none other than André the Giant). Sounds vaguely Lovecraftian. Jehnna is naturally a virgin. Hey pro tip, girls who sleep around never get sacrificed to Elder gods.
Going along with Conan is the Queen's guard Bombaata played by the NBA and College Basketball Hall of Famer, and future best-selling author, Wilt Chamberlain in his only film role. I am sure you have all seen the photos with Arnold standing next to Wilt and André before. Shared by Arnold himself, he commented that he had never felt so puny before in his life.
There is a cool scene with Conan in a room full of mirrors and a creature that swear influenced Hordak. The creature was neat, the scene however seemed really silly. Made even sillier now with such memes as this.
Among other actors, the immortal Tracey Walter appears as Malak. I swear this guy has been in everything. How many thieves started swallowing gems because of this movie? The equally prolific Mako is here as Akiro, sounding like a gruff Iroh.
Our virgin is captured. Found. Captured again. Put in jeopardy. And set to sacrificed.
And like all sacrifices go awry, the angry god kills the one summoning him, this time Taramis.
So will a fun little romp it is worse than I remember but not as bad as I feared. I remember that is felt more "D&D" than the first movie did and pretty much every gamer I knew had gone to see it.
Gaming Content
For me, I can use Lyranna as Queen Taramis as a nice bit of history for my own version of Queen Methyn Sarr. She starts out as a witch, finds a ruler whom she seduces, and then ultimately betrays and takes his kingdom as her own. Not 100% original, but it fits with the pulpy feel I want.
Plus it will give me something to start from. Though given tonight's movies I wonder if I should rename her to Methyn Sarah. Doesn't sound quite as evil does it?
Links
- Lyanna on the Moviedatabase and The Female Villains Wiki
- Queen Taramis on The Female Villains Wiki and the Villains Wiki
- A Witch Shall Be Born, Text and Audio
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Tim Knight of Hero Press and Pun Isaac of Halls of the Nephilim along with myself are getting together at the Facebook Group I'd Rather Be Killing Monsters to discuss these movies. Follow along with the hashtag #IdRatherBeWatchingMonsters.
I'm with you on Conan the Destroyer. It's got some silly scenes, the SFX are a product of their time and often not a very good product either, and the plot's pretty predictable - but it's a fun watch regardless, the secondary characters are mostly great, and the "wizard's duel" between Mako and the cult leader is one of my favorite takes on the subject ever to hit the silver screen. No flashy CGI or showy shapeshifting going on, just two people staring at one another till one's brain vaporizes and sprays out of his ears.
ReplyDeleteBeastmaster 2 I'm less forgiving of, but it's not really terrible either, in part because the lead plays it straight. Must have been hard given what he had to work with that time around.
A shame that both sequels probably killed their franchises prospects for more movies.